Monday, June 18, 2007

Frustrated…

I have been trying my hardest to eat healthy and I’ve been doing well, aside from a few fast good ventures. I’ve gone down to eating fast food once a week, a lot less than my usual seven days a week. I’ve been eating cucumbers, carrots, double fiber bread, melon, berries, low fat yogurt, and the like for two weeks now. I pack my lunch for work and eat at home. This might seem mundane to some, but for me it is a big improvement. I thought I’ve been doing so well, until I had a revelation that etched in my cranium like an etch-a-sketch, but not so easily shaken away.

I realized that while I’ve been eating healthier, I’m still eating enough for two average humans. Sure I eat carrots, but I eat the whole bag. Sure I’m eating the right things, but I still eat and eat and eat. I still have an insatiable appetite. Well, an emotional appetite anyway. So, now I question myself. Am I really doing better? Or am I fooling myself?

I’ve tried to soothe myself and think, “Well, you are still eating healthy” and “At least you aren’t on the fast track to a heart attack with nightly double Quarter Pounders with Cheese.” But still, I can’t shake this revelation away.

It made me realize how tenuous and emotional a grip I have on my eating patterns. I was giddy with the feeling of how good I was doing, just to realize I’m not. I still have a major dragon to slay.

I’m afraid I don’t have the weapons to do it…

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Becky, please remember: a few weeks back, you had absolutely no grip on this food thing at all. A tenuous grip is better than none at all. I think you're selling yourself short, though.

A tenuous grip would be starting the week with a nice, nutritious breakfast and binging out on junk food the rest of the week. You're doing LOADS better than that. You're even aking lunches to work! That takes, not only food that fits with your diet regime, but it also takes some planning and thinking ahead.

THAT'S AWESOME!!!

You're building the weapons to defeat the dragon, my friend. You've already found the needed metals to make decent swords and found the forge. Pretty soon, you'll be tempering and balancing the sword; not to mention weidling it with fluid grace.

Don't sell yourself short. Try to remember that babysteps count, too. Even if they're not as satisfying as great, giant leaps.

Besides, with all the money you're saving by not going to junk food palaces, you can start saving up to pay for my surgery.

;)

Just a thought.

Mari